tags: Angel



2003 Jul 5
Sail On, Sail On

My dog won’t let me go to sleep.

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2006 Aug 5
dance of the macabre: is it cause or is it effect?

As I sit here typing this early morning—it’s just me and my ever-faithful dog awake—I think I’ve figured out one of the key components of my ongoing depression. The fact of the matter is that I don’t have much hope for the future. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you all the fucked up shit going on in America today—the country that I live in seems to be the greatest force of evil these days.

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2006 Aug 6
seven years (not in tibet)

(I was thinking of the city of Lhasa this morning as I contemplated my dog, who is a Lhasa Apso-something else. I also thought of the cheery thought my sister shared with me a while ago: you know how we’re fighting wars for oil these days? She predicts that the next natural resource we’ll be fighting wars for will be water. Specifically, as the Himalayan snowpack starts to melt because of global warming, India and China will be forced into a standoff over water rights. I also think that contention over water rights will be the single most important factor driving the politics of California in the next few years. But that is neither here nor there.)

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2007 Feb 10
a summary of the year thus far

A lot of random little things have happened in the past month and a half that have really sent my brain reeling. In some ways, it feels like Christmas was just a little while ago, when I was wallowing in an irrational, meaningless episode of depression, and ever since it’s been an emotional rollercoaster.

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2008 Apr 19
man's best friend

Grasp him tightly, try to carry him
and he will squirm and struggle
snap and bite and cry out
trying to get free

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2013 Oct 5
the last days of sunlight

One day shall come a dawn where I do not see the sunset
a summer after which I need not endure the autumn
my last memories will be of the hot breath of the Santa Ana winds
and the acrid reek of smoke from the raging wildfires
and bright sunlight without end.
Until we meet again, my friend.

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2013 Oct 5
it's all bullshit

I could be coping better. This is not going well at all.

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2013 Oct 5
life. don't talk to me about life.

I'm sitting here in the dark, totally drunk, recounting my failures and losses. There are a lot of places where it went totally wrong, but I find myself lingering on one of the milestones that I choose to remember. A. I loved you in my fashion. But that is neither here nor there.

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2013 Oct 6

I am so tired but I can't sleep. Wonderful.

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2013 Oct 6
who's going to watch you die

I think the worst part about watching death—even just the death of an ill-tempered and anxious dog who lived a long life of almost 15 years, who had deteriorated to the point where he couldn't even stand up to take a drink of water or even to move out of his own filth—is that you know for a fact it's going to happen again and again, unless you happen to go first.

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2013 Oct 8

I'm totally getting the auditory hallucination thing that I've read some pet owners get.

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2013 Oct 11
silver linings

At least Angel doesn't have to be cold anymore.

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2013 Oct 11
the kick

I dreamt Angel had gotten out through the gate somehow. I asked him "What are you doing out here? How did you get through the gate?" Then my brain went "Oh, I'm dreaming" and I immediately got booted out of that level of the dream.

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2013 Oct 21
how i hate the night

I wonder how long it will take me to be able to go to sleep without second-guessing the decision to euthanize the family dog and without needing antihistamines and/or alcohol.

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2013 Oct 31
beginnings and endings

My sister picked up Angel in front of the Sav-On down the hill (long before CVS had bought it) when she was just a senior in high school. Some kid was selling puppies for $10. It must have been sometime after Halloween, and we always used Halloween as his birthday (although we never really knew.) We wondered if she had taken him too soon from his mother. He fit on the palm of my hand, and he wouldn't eat and we were certain he was going to die. But eventually he figured it out. For the longest time, he needed to be supervised, otherwise he wouldn't finish his food.

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2014 Jan 17

Well, that was disconcerting. As I was walking Pazzo back to my parents house, I saw a golden animal standing in the middle of the street far down the hill. It then darted to the sidewalk. Pazzo quickened his pace but didn't bark or anything.

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2014 Sep 23

September is when I set sail
under duress
amidst the crashing waves of disappointment
driving me far from shore

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2016 Jun 29
Two Months

ミA彡 and I have been married for two months now!

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2016 Jul 18
All Dogs Go to Heaven

I'd been contemplating death lately. Between the great tragedies of the world and the smaller tragedies of my friends and family, it's the only thing we know for sure.

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